


Beautiful

by aph_aleks



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: :(, Body Dysmorphia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, John is Suspicious, M/M, Paul thinks he's fat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-09 09:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19057489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aph_aleks/pseuds/aph_aleks
Summary: In which Paul thinks he's fat.





	Beautiful

Paul was never really one to feel extremely self conscious about his body. He’d always been comfortable to just strut around without his shirt on (usually because it frustrated his bandmates, John mostly - he’d always found this funny) and get undressed around them as he never thought there was anything to be ashamed of. They’d seen him naked, plenty of times, on many occasions, but something was different now.

He was fat. And it was disgusting. He didn’t want any of his bandmates to see how fat he was getting or they won’t like him anymore - they wouldn’t want him around, wouldn’t want to be seen with him.

It was Brian who first made him worry over his body weight. Paul knew that he didn’t mean to hurt him, but he did and Paul really couldn’t stop thinking about it.

_“Okay,” Brian said, causing the four Beatles to look at him expectantly, “You have a big show next week, probably the biggest you’ve ever played, so far.” He cleared his throat and straightened his tie, “Make sure you have all the songs you will be playing memorised.” The four men nodded and smiled._

_“Anything else, Bri?” John asked and stood up to zip up his guitar case, starting to get impatient - he just wanted to lie down! The other three Beatles also stood up, looking at Brian with a questioning look on each of their faces._

_Brian cleared his throat again, “Nothing, really. Paul, you may need to lose a little weight before the show, okay? That’s about it,” He smiled sweetly at Paul, who managed to squeak out an ‘okay’, “Have a good sleep, boys. Don’t be too loud.”_

_The ride back to their hotel was basically torture for Paul - John kept teasing him about how he needed to lose weight, and desperately. Didn’t John realise how much it really hurt him? He smiled and laughed through every joke, although it was a fake smile, it fooled them all. The first chance he got, he cried in the bathroom back at the hotel._

_That’s where Paul was now. Crying in the bathroom._

“Fat,” He whispered as he looked at himself in the mirror - he’d never realised how true that statement really was until, well, Brian. He noticed many things. He noticed that his stomach showed under tighter shirts and how it didn’t happen with John, George or Ringo, and that his face was squishy because of his chubby cheeks - everything was disgusting.

Hell, even his thighs were too… thick and fat - the thighs that John claimed to like so much, he probably was saying that out of pity, Paul realised, more tears coming to his eyes. He looked disgusting, and John probably thought the same.

_“Paul?” John asked, waving his hand in front of the younger Beatle’s eyes, “Princess?” He tried again, placing both of his hands on Paul’s cheeks as he tried to coax him out of the zoned-out state he was in. Paul blinked a few times and smiled at John, “What were you saying?”_  
_John returned his smile, albeit a bit suspicious, and pulled the other into his lap so they were facing one another, “I was saying, darling,” He kissed Paul’s nose softly, “How much I love you.”_

_The younger blushed and looked away, “I love you too, but,” He shifted a bit on John’s lap, “Aren’t I crushing you?”_

Paul desperately wanted to sit on John’s lap again. He loved, really loved, being close to John, especially while cuddling, but he couldn’t find it in himself to… subject John to that! He’d feel all the fat on his lovely Princess and not want to touch him again and so he stayed away from that.

-

John started to get concerned when Paul refused to sleep in the same bed as him, with literally no excuse. “Paulie, come to bed, why won’t you?” He had asked, trying to act all seductive-like and get him to join him, but all Paul did was sigh and shake his head - he’d been sleeping on the sofa at every single hotel they stayed at. The bedrooms they usually got had two large beds and a sofa all in the same room (y’know, the usual) - George and Ringo would share a bed (although they’d never admit it, they always cuddled up together, and what a surprise, Ringo was the little spoon!), Paul and John would always share a bed, too. This had always been normal. Although, Ringo and George would get annoyed when they heard them fucking - Paul really was loud with John’s cock up his arse, Ringo’s words.

But now, Paul was laying on the sofa, curled up in a ball and wrapped in only a thin blanket - he was facing away from the three men as they got ready to sleep in their beds. Paul could just get up and lie down with John, have him cuddle up to his back and wrap his warm arms around him-

He couldn’t.

He just… _couldn’t_.

-

A few days later, two days before the ‘big show’, the band had decided to go swimming.

Paul didn’t want to go, because then he’d have to take his shirt off and show his fat stomach and his fat legs would also be on show and-

He didn’t want to go swimming, he had told them.

“Paulie, please! We can splash each other!” John basically whined, holding Paul’s hands, “We can throw Ringo into the pool.”

The hotel they were at had a luxury pool, with loads of lights and a waterslide - it really did sound tempting. Paul thought about all the times he and John would go swimming together, they’d splash one another until someone complained or yelled at them, at that point they’d retreat, giggling. He wanted more of that. It would be so much fun and he desperately wanted to spend time with John, but when he tried to convince himself to go… he remembered.

 _Fat_.

“No,” Paul shook his head, “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

John huffed and left with a roll of his eyes.

Paul thought for a minute. John was sad, or something along those lines, because of him - he wanted to spend time with him, but why? Why… why did John love him so much?

“John! Wait!” He didn’t realise he had yelled this until John came back into the room and looked at him blankly.

“What?” He asked, crossing his arms tightly.

“I’ll go.” Paul answered, trying to get John to smile (he hadn’t been smiling a lot lately, Paul missed his beautiful smile), or at least, look him in the eyes.

John hadn’t looked him in the eyes for the last few days. Paul really had no idea why, only that he’d also been talking to Ringo and George about something important that “he wasn’t allowed to know about”, so he assumed they were talking about him. Surely, George would tell him if they were, right? Unless they knew about him not eating…

The older Beatle nodded and motioned to Paul’s clothes, “Get dressed, then.” He said curtly, before leaving the room again, probably to get his swimwear. Paul decided to go into the bathroom to get dressed, as John would usually take the bedroom - he had time to look at himself in the mirror that was in the bathroom and weigh himself.

It didn’t take long for John to get dressed and this became evident when he started knocking furiously on the bathroom door, “Paul, Ringo and George are waiting! Hurry up,” He shouted, making Paul jump, “Meet us outside the room when you’re done!”

“Okay!” Came Paul’s shaky reply, rushing to change into his swimming trunks as he heard John walking away.

He left the bathroom after looking at himself in the mirror one more time - he looked skinnier than before, but… not thin enough. Paul sighed and opened the door, expecting the other Beatles to be waiting outside for him, but, they weren’t - he shut the door behind him suspiciously. They got bored of waiting, probably. He wasn’t in there that long-

“Paul!” Ringo screamed from behind the door as soon as it shut.

Paul jumped and gasped, “ _Fuck!”_

The other three Beatles laughed at Paul’s demise, cackling to one another loudly, “We’re sorry,” John wiped his eyes as tears of laughter began gathering, “For scaring you.”

“No you’re not,” Paul chuckled in response, “Are we going swimming or what?”

The four men made their way down to the pool. Paul walked behind them as they talked to one another quietly, wondering what they were talking about - he didn't want to ask, though, lest it angers them.

-

"Paul?"

Paul turned his head to look at John idly, "Huh?" He asked softly, resting his head on his hand.

John thought about his words carefully before sighing, "Why haven't you eaten in days?"

Paul looked at him with an unreadable expression for a few seconds. He looked down at his hands, "Haven't been hungry-"

"We both know that's a lie." John interrupted him, speaking loudly as if to get his point across - why couldn't Paul just be straight forward?

Paul sighed.

Did he really want to know?

Yes. Yes he did.

"I- because-" Paul stuttered lightly, blushing because of his own mistakes, "Because I'm… I'm fat."

John raised an eyebrow slowly, "Where did you get that idea from?"

Paul didn't reply.

"You're not fat, Paulie," John wrapped his arms around Paul, pulling him closer, making him blush, "You're gorgeous, okay?" He said sweetly, placing a kiss upon Paul's lips.

Paul merely looked away, not wanting to reply - if he agreed he'd be lying, and if he didn't, John wouldn't give up - so he stayed silent.

"You're fucking beautiful. You are not fat. Even if you were, I wouldn't love you any less. You're my everything, okay?" John said to him, kissing his collarbones, "Stop hiding from me, baby," He moved Paul's face so that he was looking him in the eyes, "Let me see you."

 

 

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**crappy ending to a crappy fanfic, although i do hope you enjoyed!**


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